Online Dating
In order to consider the minefield of online dating; I’ll break it
down.
Online, by sheer definition, is an entity
controlled by, or connected to, a computer. Leonard Kleinrock was one of the
pioneers who wrote about ARPANET in 1961 which preceded the internet as we now
know it.
Whilst dating has many meanings; one being a ‘trial
period in which people explore whether to take the relationship further,
towards a more permanent contract’ (Marriage). Another is when people hook up
to have dinner, drinks or coffee and chat (Dating). Both, by mutual consent,
can lead to an agreement resulting sex.
Married couples might have ‘date nights’ because
they’re fed up having sex and need to get out of the bedroom. Another reason
could be the relationship is flailing and they need to reconnect. Think it’s
usually the later to be honest.
I’m fairly romantic but nonetheless pragmatic about
dating, relationships and marriage because, in my opinion, none the above needs
to be about love and devotion but might, purely, be an agreement between two compatible,
consenting adults. Both marriage and dating can be successful without love.
Many a splendid thing can be spoiled by expectation
and emotion but nothing beats a good old fashioned concurrence stating the
terms and conditions. Thinking of love and marriage, it could be said, we
need the horse to pull the cartridge along or it would be static. So legally
binding documents are signed to keep things moving. It’s elementary but my
opinion it’s an unnecessary institution, even though I bought into it for 37
years.
I was in love and loved the same man for most of my
life and was constantly caught between obstacles and compromise. There were
many times I wanted to give up but when I stripped away life’s problems,
family, bills and then his clothes, we had amazing chemistry and a bond, so
strong, we overcame even the toughest challenges together. It was hard work!
My experience of dating is minimal because I met my
Match when I was nineteen. I’ve been contentedly on my own for nearly 7 years
and have now been forcefully encouraged to try online dating. After ignoring and dismissing it as ‘not for
me’, I decided to give it a go. My plan was to have a maximum of 20 dates then
bin it whatever the outcome of any individual encounters.
I choose Match.com because I’d been reliably
informed paying for the service makes it more legitimate. Seemingly, Tinder and
Plenty of Fish are free and a bit more casual. Also I liked they’re tagline;
So, without further hesitation, I signed up. Again,
I was faced with a binding ‘contract’ and a commitment to pay up for 6 months.
My bio stated I was looking for fun, chat and
hoping to spend time with some likeminded chaps. Maybe I should have stated
‘only one at a time’ but I was very speedy and enthusiastic. This was my first
mistake and was misconstrued as me being ‘up for it’ by my second
encounter of the uncomfortable kind.
That ‘date’ lasted all of seven minutes, one for
every year I’ve been on my own and made me appreciate every, single night I put
the light out before going to sleep on my lonesome. He made it very clear he
was expecting to have sex that same evening having ‘travelled all the way
from East Kilbride on a Saturday night’. He suggested I was naive to have
thought otherwise.
It was actually Friday so he didn’t even know what
day of the week it was!
Flashback to date number one; which was coffee with
a lovely gentleman who specified he was looking to settle into a life in the
country with a ‘suitably appropriate lady’. I was attentive and enjoyed his
company but felt bad because, as we were leaving, after a very pleasant two
hours, he said he’d like to do it again and I blurted out politely;
“Me too!”
Knowing this was not what I was looking for.
Date number three and four were brilliant and I
found myself in the company of a gregarious gentleman who was intelligent,
polite, lively and charming. We laughed till my face hurt. He was looking for
fun, with a clever woman who had a bit of an edge. After four hours together I
felt as if I’d made, at the very least, a good friend.
We met again for coffee which ran on to dinner and
six hours later we were snorting with laughter. We even had a kiss in the car
park which was pleasantly tingly. I could have had more of that but not in the
open, over a car.
I felt attracted, interested and visualised,
(that’s what women do guys) more of the kissing, having a plus one for events,
dinner, theatre, chat and maybe a cosy night in together. Not much more, maybe
less, depending on mutual respect, desire and consent. However, any intimate
relationship would need to be exclusive and there we have it; that’s the
tension.
The www.com
brings the world together for business, entertainment, culture and pleasure. It
is a massive web connecting networks with other networking infrastructures.
Millions of computers are globally formed to link with anyone connected, so
your dating possibilities are infinite.
These ethereal experiences could collide, float
past like planets in an eclipse. Or maybe gravity and significance will hold
them in their orbits because the pull is not strong enough.
In life we need to take the rough with the smooth
but I’m reluctant to put myself in the firing line to be shot at close range by
fingertips shooting into the ether from a laptop.
My time with internet dating has been brief, not even two weeks, but I
still had an interesting time. I’ve met people from
different spheres and even the Delightful Mr Smooth, who wanted a ‘lady with an
edge’ might have found mine too bristly.
As they say;
“You can
take the girl out of the East End but…”
My days of digital dating might be over but I’m
very happy and love my wee life…
Exactly the way it is!
Mx
P.S. Mr Smooth and I are no longer friends he turned out to be a bit of a bit of a dick actually!
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