Once upon a time a wee lassie saw a Panda being attacked by a big,
bad leopard. She swooped in and saved the bear but lost her own life when Rampant
Leo killed her instead!
Pandas, until then, had been totally white and fluffy.
However, on the day of her funeral, thousands of Pandas turned up
wearing armbands of black ash and as they hugged each other, bleating
hysterically the ash spread all over their eyes and bodies.
That’s how they came to be Black and white.
The End!
This is a true story my pal told me. In 1969 after she’d been to
Woodstock with her parents. They’d met an embarrassment
of panda loving hippies. She had the
time of her life and they ate magical mushrooms with breakfast. It was
magnificently psychedelic and she said everything had been perfectly purple for
a week.
By the time The Mary made it up the stairs to Panda at Springfield
Quay I had to wipe the tears from her panda eyes. She’s was crying from the
pain of her Baker’s cyst. I did explain, once we were up there, the toilets
were on the same level so it was a Win Win Win as she usually has to visit the
lavvy at least three times because of her weak bladder situation
I’m getting her an INNOVO for Christmas to strengthen her pelvic
floor and stimulate the ‘wummin’ area. Actually, I’m going to check if they do
a 2 for 1 deal because I could do with some of this; ‘clinically proven,
non-invasive action’ myself.
When I explained to The Mary you wrap it around your thigh and it
has a hand-held control for pelvic stimulation, and doesn’t need
insertion, it began sounding all the more attractive to me!
Although our reproduction facilities are past their ‘sell
buy’ date The Mary suggested INNOVO could be used as a treatment for Pandas
because they’re dying a lot faster than being born. Pandas only ovulate once a
year.
Maybe INNOVO are missing a trick here. They could market their
‘wrap’ as ‘Panda Friendly’ with no harm being done in the making of the ads.
Maybe, if the panda population increases I would get a kick back.
They might send me the first INNOVO created Panda as a pet. Then me
and The Mary could take it out with us on a Monday. Or, they could grant me a
lifetime supply of free, electronic incontinence devices to make my pelvic
floor more controlled, make me feel assured, help my inner and outer confidence
and hopefully, keep me Tena free with a permanent smile on my face.
There’s nothing worse than involuntary leaking!
Did you know more people suffer from incontinence than Hay fever?
All this pishing and sneezing could be an advertiser's wet dream!
Anyway, back to the food.
When we got to the door of Panda Chinese Cuisine The Mary nearly fainted
because it was a Buffet. She thought we’d have to leave because I hate the ‘All
you can eat’ spreads but having come all the way up the stairs I thought it was
best to stay.
Don’t want The Mary bleating like a Panda ‘cause she’s certainly
not as cute when she’s mad!
The food on offer was
beautifully presented in shallow containers and was steaming hot. The counter
was laden with fresh, colourful food and the variety suited both our very
different tastes. My favourite was the Mongolian Beef, no, it was the pulled
duck. Wait a minute, I think I loved the
chicken in black-bean sauce the most?
There was fresh fruit, ice cream, cheesecake and a fluffy sponge
for the sweet toothed patrons as well as fruity fritters with custard. I opted
for marshmallows dipped in the chocolate fountain. I’d never tried this before
and have to say it was a bit like chewing my pillow after a visit from the
grandson.
I’m not sure it’s as they boast;
“The
Most Beautiful Chinese Restaurant in Glasgow!”
Or
“A
top class restaurant!”
But it did have the freshest, most varied buffet I’ve ever had and
the staff were attentive and pleasant. From the quality of the food provided I
would guess they have Chefs from different regions of China because the range
of different dishes was exceptional.
Although it seats up to 200 guests it still felt cosy and had an
almost Disneyesque feel. It would be a fun place to go with children before a
visit to the cinema. If you are a Panda geek they also have an online shop
where you can buy ‘Panda’ things like; keyrings, mugs and pens so you could do
a bit of shopping while you’re there.
All in all it was a pleasurable experience and is very reasonably
priced!
“Do you think that electronic
thing would stop us from pishing ourselves laughing? Because I’d much rather be
discreetly dry and secure with Tena Lady than no have a laugh!”
See you the next time!
Me and The Mary!
Mx
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