Be Still My Dripping Heart!

Red Blooded Glasgow Girl

Image by Getty Images (BlackJack3D)

St Valentine has a lot to answer for!

Another year and another table for one!

Don't get me wrong it's my choice to be on my own but seriously, even my independent, confident heart leaks when overwhelmed with a barrage of blood, red hearts and flowers. Especially when I'm digesting Haggis and still have left over christmas pudding in the cupboard

Nothing was further from my mind when I went shopping for a 21^st birthday card and yet, there I was, faced with promises to ‘love you forever’, ‘always in my heart’ and proclamations of ‘undying love’!

To be perfectly honest, my craving is for an evening of sexual desire with no promise of eternal lust because, if done properly, it’s bloody exhausting and once a year, well maybe once a week, is enough.

I’m a busy girl!

When I was young and fresh I always had cards to open on 14^th February. One year I got 14 but most of them were from friends of my younger brothers, stating what they’d like to do to me. It was flattering and terrifying in equal measures.

In a previous life my gorgeous man always worked on Valentines day and sometimes I even went with him to help out. We agreed it was one of the quietest and most uncomfortable evenings of the year in hospitality.  Especially when some spontaneous, knee bender proposed.

Pure Riddie!

The mortified victim was usually forced to say yes in order to save embarrassment and get him off his knees while everyone in the restaurant looked on. Then you could sense a raging air of disappointed from the other 'plus ones', sitting there, getting drunk, thinking, ‘how embarrassing’ but all the while, wishing it was them faced with a sparkly, suggestion of eternity.

I still have the very first Valentine’s card my husband gave me. It winds up to play 'My Funny Valentine'! There was always a small, precious and thoughtful gift to open on the evening we'd planned, with food, wine, music and  romance, far from the maddening 14th!

Being together with someone you're fond of should always be special, especially if intimacy is involved.  Although sex, like everything else, has become too available and in some ways less precious. ‘Forever’ appears to be fanciful delusion in our very, fast paced, transient, click of a button culture.

So, all you lovers out there; go buy your cards before they're sold out or you’ll need to present your loved-up one with an Easter egg; they're in the shops already too!

You could always place a sparkly surprise inside to make up  for your tardiness!

This Valentines day I'll be donating Blood, with no sweat or tears!

Happy Valentine's Day when,
It...
You...
or your lover comes!

XXX

Click this link to find out where you can donate blood!

The Battlefield Rest

The Battlefield Rest

I'm humped and it's only Wednesday!

However, I'm happy to be stopping on the way home for a rest on a site of the Battleground where Mary Queen of Scots fought her last battle. Most of my battles are fought in my head and by the time I approach a likely victim I'm too tired and no longer interested.

The Battle in my Head?  Now that would be a great title for a book...watch this space!

The Battlefield Rest site was originally used for 'resting and courting' so I might be in luck and find an old-fashioned, chivalrous suitor.

I've not been very well recently because of a kissing deficiency. It's sort of self inflicted and caused by severe reaction to intimate contact. It's brought on mainly by boredom, lack of enthusiasm and the wish to be swept away by laughter and good chat! Maybe, if I'd shut my gub, stop talking and eating, a guy could get look, or even a word in.

Maybe even a tongue?

Some very attentive guys seem to think they can remedy my condition.

When one of the weaker sex recently asked for my number so he could prescribe me a snog I replied;

"I'm alright Jack because the thing is, if I give you my phone number; you'll only phone me, ask me out for dinner and then...?"

Well...it's never really just dinner or a kiss is it?

Marco Giannasi, who owns The Battlefield Rest, is a charming man with a cheeky, gorgeous smile.
Bet he's a good kisser?

All the best kissing remedies are either attached to their spousal labre, have been rejected like a dose of herpes or are playing in a field of available, willing, liberated and fabulously female predators.

Women no longer sit back and wait, they are warriors ruling a battlefield of more than willing, testosterone filled, foot soldiers.

Me, I'm quite happy, right  here in The Battlefield Rest-ing and wrapping my chops around a juicy, beef fillet with a crusty, haggis and black pudding polpettes. Then dressing my tongue with a creamy Clock Tower covered in crushed Amaretto. If that's not enough I could have Rob Roy's Cup overflowing with deliciously, fresh strawberries drenched in a saucy liquor.

Why bother with the stress of dating when it's all right there, at your lips and cutlery tips, in the wonderful Battlefield Rest?

So, here I am in my cosy bed, basking in the afterglow of one of Glasgow's most imposing towers of Italian Cuisine which is still standing the test of time!

Pass me a cigarette please!
Buona Notte!

To book your table click here!

Boh' Uddingston

Boh Uddingston!

When I'm in Italy if someone says;

"Boh?"

It's followed by a question mark because it sort of suggests; I don't have a clue!

When I went to this new venue in Uddingston yesterday however, it was clear they knew exactly what they were doing. From the moment I stepped out of the car it was welcoming and chic.

The staff are very professional, polite and charming, without being overly familiar.  I've been  to a few places in and around Bothwell and they are often pretentiousness and prices are overwhelmingly, inflated because there's seems to be a whiff delusion in the air!

The food in Boh' was beautifully presented and delicious; with a price tag which will definitely entice the locals and may even bring the Bothwell mob out of their, Farrow and Ball, painted shells for the 1.7 mile journey from Cut to Boh'!

Although I'm sure some of them might pay the higher prices in Bothwell; as they did for the Postcode!

No accounting for superciliousness of locality!

Being a bit of a vagrant I'll never understand it myself?

Christopher the manager is very handsome and friendly and unlike some front of house staff he also knows how to run a kitchen which is very important for momentum and smooth running of any food joint!

So, I wish them well and I'll be back time and time again for the most deliciously, sexy, shockingly scrumptious, lush, (bit like my friend Alan I was with) lemon meringue pie in a glass I have ever tasted!

I wish you well and am sure you will feed and purvey your way into 2019 with flair and panache!

Hope to see you soon with The Mary as she'll be raging I was there without her!

Next time!