Two Fat Ladies!

Two Fat Ladies

If The Mary and I carry-on the way we are we will actually be two, very fat ladies.  Well, the term ‘ladies’ is stretching it a bit after what I did at the weekend.  Rusty’s Erotic Escapades will be coming out soon; watch this space!  I need a wee bit more experience first.  Only on the first chapter but catching up really fast.

Anyway, off we go toTwo Fat Ladies which opened in 2005 and we are up for some serious fish with a ‘great city buzz’.  Town was so quiet tonight and the wind was exceptionally strong resulting in The Mary being hit by a fish which had blown out of the Clyde.  Slapped her right on the face, so she took offence to awe the fish and opted for the chicken. 

I said I fancied the same and she smacked me right across the dish and then said it was an accident. She said she didn’t mean to stand up, reach across the table, arm extended and come down forceful right in the direction of my head.  She said she’s fed-up with me copying her!

Aye right!  

This gave me a flashback to one night in the Calton when someone called me a ‘cheeky wee cow’ but I wasn’t on the receiving end of her fist that time.   Mary skelped the bejesus out of this pure, wee, stank beast. 

Now, that’s the pal you need in your life.

88 is the bingo number for Two Fat Ladies and that’s self-explanatory but not so much 83 which is seemingly means stop farting; work that out.  I canna keep up with this modern, emoji and symbolic nonsense.   I like real words in proper sentences.  I'm a proper grown up women for goodness sake!

My favorite is 60 ‘cause, this grandma’s 'getting frisky'.  They say life begins at 40 but I’m not so sure now.  I’m so ready for what’s coming my way this year. 

Then of course there’s 69…that always makes me giggle!  

So, here we are in the very attractive interior which has an underwater theme which makes The Mary a bit jumpy.  I imagine fish jumping out at her from the menu and nearly pish myself laughing. Then she threatens me with her blunt, but very beautiful, butter knife. 

Whit? 

Is she going to spread me to death?  She’s awfie aggressive the night.

The service provided from Attractive Andy is very friendly and he was always discretely on hand providing a smooth and efficient service.

The two course menu with a drink had a varied and included a choice of fish, meat and vegetarian option.  I never go for the latter unless it’s cake!  Great value at £16 book through 5pm.com!

Food was delicious, Place is charming and the service was excellent so we’ll be back!

On the way back to the car The Mary put her jacket over her head and fell flat on her face because she couldn’t see where she was going.  Deserves her right!

I had the last laugh which was a right slap on her chicken filled dish!

Oh, on the way home I did this!

Mx

See y’all next week!

Mx

Celino's

Coming soon!
Mx

Rogano!

Rogano

In 1935, as the great Cunard liner 'Queen Mary' took shape on the Clyde, a restaurant was refitted in the same Art Deco style and a Glasgow legend was born.

With its unique 1930's ambience, Rogano is the oldest surviving restaurant in Glasgow. For over seventy-five years its chefs have dedicated themselves to the delicate art of cooking and serving the finest fish and seafood in the world from Scottish waters.  I’ve not been about that long and I sometimes wonder where all the auld timers that used to go to Rogano and Charlie Parker’s are.

I got barred from Parker’s once for stealing a chip off someone’s plate but they let me right back in the following week because the takings were down.  I had bad, girl power then all right.

Rogano was one of my favorite haunts in the late 70s.  I used to sit at the bar smoking cocktail cigarettes with gold tips.  They were called Sobranie and I must have looked like a fanny trying to match my fags to my outfit.  It’s also ironic they had Sobr… in the name; ‘cause I was usually smashed when partaking in this most repellant of habits.  Don’t remember the guys being repelled right enough!

Sobranie

As soon as we walked in The Mary said, ‘There’s something no right here; smells a bit fishy.’   I did suggest she had been very busy with the weans all day and it might be her but she was pure offended and I had to backtrack and say, ‘oh aye, I forgot this is a fish restaurant.’ 

Saved by the smell!

For all its ‘inimitable style’ the place is very welcoming and friendly and well situated in the very centre of town near the very stylish Buchanan Street and Princes Square.

Tianna who took us to the table was more than helpful and explained the Market Menu to us and it was brilliant and quite extensive.  You pick two courses and the food was very good value and the fish and chips was one of the best I’ve had.  Lovely, flaky fish and a light crispy batter.  I then had a very big portion of the sticky Toffee Pudding and I struggled with it which is unusual for me.

Sarah, our server was delightful and pretty.  All in all, it was very good but for me and The Mary it’s not always about the food but more about the experience.

Looking towards next week, which will be a total washout , we’ll be face with miserable bastards who are taking their burds out a night early to avoid the hike in prices.

Do not go out next Monday...it will be the worst might of the year.  Nearly as bad a the 14th itself which is by far the quietest night of the year...because they're all miserable!

Do not go girls.  If they ask you to go out any other night …dump them or take 'im 'round the swannie pon' and chuck him in.

Yes, of course it’s Valentine’s Day and neither me or The Mary are too bothered about that at all.  Actually, women always say that when there are no other prospects on the day itself.  We all pretend not to bother but actually…we do…very much! 

It’s as if the day was invented to cause murder and make people feel bad about themselves and doubt every relationship they’ve ever had.

It’s said that on February 14^th about 278 A.D. a priest in Rome was executed under the rule of Claudius the Cruel there were many murderous and bloody campaigns.  You could say it’s the same today and that’s probably because of the amount of men who make the mistake of saying things like;

“No other relationship in my life could compare to the love we share, I’m enamored by your tender touch, your ravishing body and your beautiful face!”

Now, is it just me, or would you no just punch him square in the face?

Or

“When we kiss, I feel excitement like the thrill of a rollercoaster, the sky filled with fireworks on the fourth of July, or the rush of awaterfall. 

You’d be searching his pockets for drugs!

The truth what girls want, (not women, we want good sex and cake) is to be taken out on a boat to a place in the middle of a lake that’s cover with swans.  Like in The Notebook.  I love that scene.

That’s reminded me of when we stayed in Bridgeton.  Once, on a beautiful Summer’s day me and my sister went to The Richmond Park and she shoved me in the ‘swannie pond’’.  It was thick with mud and she stood laughing while I sunk further in and then got belted when I got home because I had no shoes on.  They got sucked right in and I was off school for six weeks till I got a new pair.

Anyway as far as St Valentine’s Day is concerned we should take a leaf from Claudius’s book; ban marriage and engagements altogether.  There should be no rules or observance of binding contracts and everyone should be able to do what they like; with whoever they want; without being bound by law or love!

Why is there not an option on Facebook for a sexual relationship?

That would suit me perfectly!

I've always been a romantic.

See you the next time!

Mx

The Corinthian Club

The Corinthian Club

Now, I know I’ve been in The Corinthian lots of times but the other night there was something very different about it.  It felt strangely homely and Melissa who greeted us was so genuinely friendly.  My previous visits have been met with; what I can only describe as cool aloofness, served with an air of grandiosity.  So much so that I had said I’d never go back.

I’m so glad I gave it another chance!

This beautiful building was one of the finest 18^th Century private residencies built for a City Merchant named George Buchanan.  He inherited the land from his father and the ground was farm land.   Basically it was a cabbage patch and had to be cleared away before building could begin.  Now the Place more fragrantly Coco Chanel than cabbage soup.

 In 1920 the original building was renovated and became a judiciary court and some of the country’s finest Victorian interiors were ‘hidden behind panels and false walls’.  

Now, if you go in at the weekend, it’s not the false walls you need to be concerned with but getting your eyes knocked out with fake boobs.  Also, I met a lassie I hadn’t seen for years in the toilet one night and her lips were that big she got stuck to my cheek.  It was really embarrassing and we had to get a chef to come with a spatula to wrench her off me. 

I’ll just wave the next time I see her.

By the way if any of you are thinking about enhancements then you need to go to the best in Glasgow.  These are professionals who are also very fabulous in all respects!

La Belle Forme

So now for the food. We chose the market menu and although The Mary and I usually choose something different; we both plumped for the chicken.  It did not disappoint.  With a lovely sauce the chicken was succulent and very tasty.  Likewise, the dauphinoise potatoes were creamy, moist, velvety, deliciously flavored and mouthwateringly sensual.  I can honestly say I have never had a near sexual experience with a potato; or any other vegetable until now!

Fruit is another matter altogether.  Me and fruit have a long history.

Did you know that coconut oil can enhance your mood and is great for massage but please use responsibly as it is also known to damage latex condoms?  Is coconut fruit; I’m unsure?  Bananas, strawberries and cherries, you could say, are evidently and sexually symbolic.  I’ve popped my cherry many a time.  

So I’d like to thank Christopher, our server, for his fabulous service and great, cheery chat.  He even offered to take photos without us asking him.  I know it takes a lot of time during the service to add on time for staff to take photos of customers; so he went above and beyond by taking the time to do this.

So, there we were, me, The Mary and Rosaria sitting in grandeur, underneath the iconic Corinthian dome in a space where many an illicit lawbreaker has been taken down.  So in the words of Donald Findlay, although I think he was talking about Ibrox, “for me personally tradition and history is in” that building, right there, at 191 Ingram Street, in the heart of my wonderful City!

If Rosaria and Gary are reading this, it’s in Ingram Street at number 191!

See you the next time!

Mx